Twinges, Inklings, Fortunes, and Blessings


Adorbs juju…

Not one hundred paces out the door of my office building, I was suddenly struck with a stab of pain between my shoulderblades. My spine was choosing the very first minutes of “Hooray! It’s the weekend!” to fire warning shots that I shouldn’t plan to do anything besides sit up straight and hold very, very still if I knew what was good for me. 

So forgive me if this post meanders a bit: I have some other things on my mind.
Acctually, my mind has been wandering all day, even before someone started sticking pins in my personal voodoo doll. I’m beginning to wonder if I should start mapping out these mind-spaces: I could have a veritable zodiac of them if I so wished. Today’s mindset involved a lot of phantom smells flinging me heading into specific, but not particularly significant, parts of my memory. Not actual smells, mind you, but the memory of smells: every part of a smell except the bit that involves the nose. For instance, I was happily setting up a payroll before lunch when my mind suddenly said: “Hey, remember what Chicago smells like in March when it’s damp and just above freezing? Well you do now!!!” And I did. Suddenly and intensely, I remembered exactly what that smelled like and was transported back to Chicago in March when the weather was damp and just above freezing and the sky was overcast (because, you know, March) and the sun was going down and the street lights were coming on and reflecting in the river. Nothing else happened. It wasn’t a memory of anything happening, but suddenly there I was, completely immersed in the experience of it. And thirty seconds later I had to shake myself and force my attention back into Los Angeles in September, because this payroll wasn’t going to set up itself.

This went on pretty much all day. 

In some ways it felt a lot like the daydream-y state that I sometimes experience when I’m at my most creative, but I didn’t seem to have much control or focus over it. I wasn’t able to turn these memories into narratives, I was just constantly drifting in and out of attention. 

Speaking of random little bits of stuff: my desk was beginning to accumulate a clutter of sentimental little kickknacks: the last little segment of my ‘count your blessings’ bracelet that simply read ‘blessing’, a fortune cookie fortune slip, a Mexican candy wrapped in a corn husk… It was time to do a little housekeeping and either consolidate or get rid of a few things. But being sentimental, I couldn’t bear to part with fortune or blessings. I took the candy out of the corn husk and turned it into a little desktop medicine bag. It’s probably the tidiest, most contained part of my whole day.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on September 8, 2017.

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