Clink/Click


You think He’s mad?

The object hit the metal tray with a clink. It shouldn’t have clinked. She already knew that this was going to be a problem.

“What is this?” She demanded of her opponent.

“Looks like a .45 Magnum.”

“Is this some kind of joke?” She snapped. “Do you think this is funny?”

“I think it’s a bullet, Madam, and I do not joke about firearms.”

“Then what was it doing in the ladies room?” 

He looked astonished. “The ladies room?”

“Yes. This is what is coming out of the dispenser.”

“The dispenser?”

She certainly didn’t have the patience for this. Not today of all days. “Yes, Senator, the tampon dispenser. This is what came out. This is all that comes out.”  She held up a fist full of bullets. “You’ll excuse me if I don’t share your sense of humor.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said. “I had nothing to do with it.”

“Nothing to do with it?!” She bit down on her anger. “Nothing to do with the suppression of women’s health? Nothing to do with the promotion of second amendment rights? I daresay your voting record says otherwise.”

“Now, Senator, this is no time for-”

I’m going to shoot!!!”

But whatever it was that there was no time for was going to have to wait.

“Senator! Get down!”

From the ground, pinned beneath a security detail, it was possible to see the shooter, bristling with weapons, on the last delicate thread of his nerves. 

“You think you can tell me how to live my life?” He demanded. “You think you get to take away my God given rights?”

“He’s talking to you-”

“Now’s not the time.”

“Well not anymore, you corrupt pigs!”

He took careful aim, and pulled the trigger. 

Click. 

It shouldn’t have clicked. He already knew this was going to be a problem. 

He smacked the side of the weapon, as if that would do anything, then tried again. 

Click.

He was still fiddling with the slide when security tackled him to the floor and wrestled the weapon away from him. Ejecting the magazine, the Captain stopped short. 

“What is this?”

She already knew, without seeing it, what the answer was going to be. She heaved a sigh. This wasn’t how she planned her day to go. 

“It looks like an O.B. Super Plus with Fluid Lock.”

“Is this some kind of joke? Her opponent demanded. “Do you think this is funny?”

“Do you really want to be complaining right now? That tampon just saved your life.”

“Fake news!” 

You were right there!!!”

“IT WAS ME.” Said The Voice from on high.

“Oh my God-”

YES, THAT’S RIGHT. IT’S ME. YOU KEEP ASKING FOR MY BLESSING. I MEAN, LIKE, NON-STOP. GOD BLESS AMERICA THIS, GOD BLESS AMERICA THAT. THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS. GIMME GIMME. WELL, HERE IT IS YOU SQUABBLING BRATS. THE WOMEN GET THE BULLETS, THE MEN GET THE TAMPONS AND IT’S GOING TO STAY THAT WAY UNTIL YOU GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. GOD OUT.” 

There was a rumble of thunder as God dropped the mic and walked away. 

And there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on October 6, 2017.

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