High Road


The more I look at it, though, the more I feel like it sums up my life at the moment. Here’s me: down on ground level, waiting for the bus, comfortably happy in the shade of the overpass, looking up at the highway overhead, which is really where I’d rather be, but I can’t get thar from here. Not easily, anyway. Not directly. And not that it would do me any good even if I could- a lone individual, on foot, on the freeway is a recipe for disaster if ever I’ve heard one. But that doesn’t stop the wanting.

If I want to get into the highway, the answer is simple, of course: get on the bus. It’s literally right in front of me, and as long as I can tolerate a circuitous route to get there, it will take me where I want to go.

This is what I keep reminding myself.

In the spirit of taking the step that is right in front of me, I elected to take a personal day from the day job in order to attend the Talent Week events at USCs School of Cinematic Arts. I never got to attend Talent Week while I was in the graduate program: I was too busy actually being in the program. And now that I’ve graduated, I feel doubly like I don’t belong: I’m no longer a student and I’m fully, gainfully employed. The Imposter Syndrome is strong today. Sitting here on the bus on my way to the campus, I’m irrationally nervous about the whole thing: a part of me would really rather just go back to my comfortably dull daily routine where the threat of failure and rejection are nil and the coffee is free and plentiful. But that won’t get me where I want to go. And nobody is going to run down this dream for me: so it’s up to me to at least make myself available to opportunity. The goal, if I can reasonably set a goal for this kind of thing, is to listen attentively for direction, and to make as much of an impression as I possibly can.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on April 12, 2018.

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