Current Mood… Pun not intended…

In a rare burst of sociability, we had some friends over for dinner last night, which was lovely, but has now thrown off my whole routine. Usually Mondays are my night to be by myself, and lately Alone Time has been hard to come by. For an introvert like me, this is starting to take its toll.

For as much as I’d like to believe that I have the capacity to be a beautiful social butterfly, I have to recognize that this kind of social engagement takes a lot out of me.

At least, that is what I’ve been telling myself about my volatile mood for the past few days. Sunday was especially bad: the longer the day went on the worse my mood got.

“Are you ok?” The Curmudgeonly Lion asked again and again.

“No,” I said.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m frustrated.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know. Just frustrated.”

Rinse and repeat. I could partly blame the van for breaking down, which was inconvenient and expensive, but the rational part of my mind knew that wasn’t the whole story. Unfortunately, the rational part of my mind didn’t know what the rest of the story was: only that there was a deep irrational anger bubbling up through my guts. I went for a run, which seemed to help for a few hours but then it all came rumbling back twice as strong as ever right before bed.

I thought that I might’ve shaken it yesterday thanks to the fact that I finally had a breakthrough on my writer’s block- the relief of which was profound enough to sustain me happily through most of the work day, but then the anger came back as I began my afternoon commute, surging strong while I waited for the bus.

Having guests over actually seemed to help for the evening, serving as a delightful distraction for several hours while we visited, eating brats off the grill and sitting around the fire pit drinking wine. But now I’m wondering if I’m paying for it today, as my mood is once again unaccountably low.

So I’ve got some important Aloning that needs to be done for the next day or two. With luck, I should have some time to myself tomorrow where I can gather my wits.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on August 28, 2018.

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