Weekend In The Neighborhood


Well, this was a weekend of ups and downs.

On Friday, I blew up a bunch of my goals for the month. One week in and I was already off my game. The Curmudgeonly Lion was working a late shift, which meant that I was going to have the house to myself.

“This is going to be great!” I told myself, “I’m going to get so much done!”

And then I came home from work, watched about a third of “Baby Driver” on TV while eating lukewarm pizza and drinking cheap wine and then fell asleep on the couch at nine o’clock. At midnight, I was awoken by the sound of the Lion coming in through the front door, manage to get myself upright long enough to stagger to the bedroom and then flopped over into the bed and fell asleep again for the rest of the night. So I didn’t practice the bass. I didn’t do my planks. I didn’t brush my teeth, much less floss them. So much for my goals of doing these things every day for the month.

Boom. ‘sploded.

Saturday morning I awoke, mossy-mouthed, at six in the morning to watery gray twilight and a nudge from the Curmudgeonly Lion.

“Hey, you going running?”

“Hmmmffrrrrmmmf.”

I did eventually get up to go running. I was glad that I did, but also just wanted to come straight home and fall back asleep and pretend that I wasn’t annoyed at myself for falling asleep instead of putting in the work on my goals the night before.

Much of the rest of my afternoon was already spoken for: a pre-meeting phone call with my writing partner (I shall refer to him as Captain Unicorn), followed by a video shoot with a bassist friend for most of the afternoon (I shall refer to her as Notsixx), followed by a screening of “Won’t You Be My Neighbor“, the Mr Rogers documentary at a friend’s house for the rest of the evening. There wasn’t exactly going to be a lot of time to play catch-up.

By the time I made it to the screening I was feeling more than a little bit emotionally wrung out. My recent round of depressive symptoms had sapped a lot of my energy: taken all my emotional “spoons” as it were. So I *might* have been especially susceptible to the emotional tonic which is Mr Rogers. There was quite a lot of ugly-crying going on during the course of the movie. I console myself with the reminder that everybody else was crying too. It’s amazing how rare it is to hear anybody saying that they like you just the way you are. Especially as an adult. Especially in these sarcastic, nihilistic, confusing, angry times.

Getting out of bed this morning happened later and was even more difficult. I dragged myself upright and went for a brief, unsatisfactory run that did not do much to lift my mood. The Curmudgeonly Lion sat and talked for a while, which seemed to help clear some of the tangles from my mind before we started the day.

Today’s agenda was similarly busy: in the afternoon I had a meeting with Captain Unicorn and another writer with whom we hoped to collaborate, who was marvelous. We both came away from the meeting feeling enthused about the script and the progress we hoped to make as a new team. And then in the evening came my Writers’ Group for the first meeting after several weeks of being dark, so it felt good to come back to the weekly routine.

I’m getting to be back on an even keel again, I think. I’ve finally cleared some of the fog that has been gathering around my mind since the beginning of the month. If I’m lucky I’ll be able to start the week tomorrow with a clean slate and a fresh outlook.

One can hope.

 

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on September 9, 2018.

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