Right Mind

August goals (A right handed month)

September goals (A left handed month)

October goals (Mutiny)

As of right this minute, there have been no tears today. I’m not sure whether the mood swings are past for good or if this is a temporary respite, but I’m enjoying the stability while it lasts.

I started writing with my right hand again. Forward-writing, not mirror writing. At first this was a matter of practicality- I was trying to clear a lot of work off my desk and no matter how much I enjoy writing left handed I’m just a lot faster when I write with my right. But I’m beginning to wonder whether switching back to my right hand has somehow stabilized my mind- the left brain being the rational brain and so on. I sometimes feel as though I am made up of a number of different selves who are not in perfect consensus. My right handed self likes lists as speaks in a voice of short, direct phrases laced with sarcasm and self awareness. My right handed self likes to stay in and make lists and accomplish, accomplish, accomplish. My right handed self thinks. And thinks. And THINKS. All the time. About everything. Over and over.

My left handed self likes to explore sensation and speaks with the wordy obfuscation of nineteenth century gentry. My left handed self wants to go out and taste novelty icecreams and play in moving water and lie in hot sand. My left handed self feels everything deeply and strongly. My left handed self will duel you.

My mirror-writing self calls up truths and wants to peel myself apart layer by layer, shifting constantly from color to color and from shape to shape. My mirror writing self wants pink hair and is thinking about getting a tattoo. My mirror writing self sometimes loses words and spends a lot of time running back and forth over old wounds asking “why?” And then “why not?” Over and over again to see what happens.

The racket in my brain is deafening sometimes.

And, I mean, who knew? I always figured that I was one person in here: one body, one brain ergo one mind. But somehow I keep discovering new selves. Do other people have this and just never talk about it or is it just me? Or do they have it but just never realize it because they never try to hack their own hardware by writing backwards or with their other hand?

Anyway I suppose it’s really no surprise that I’ve been vacillating (thanks, lefty) (my pleasure, rightly) between moods lately. But I’m also glad to be back in some kind of balance. For now.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on October 26, 2018.

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