New Year, Same Old Me

I’ve been planning to dye my hair for a while now. I had this grand plan of getting it done right after new years so that I could start 2019 with a new look and, with luck, a new outlook on life. The past year was full of a lot of change, but most of it doesn’t show, so I wanted to do something bold to signify to the world that Something Was Different. Because I was different. And I’d worked really hard to become so.

But yesterday I cancelled my appointment. Because money. The look I wanted to go for was going to be expensive to do and expensive to maintain, and even though I’d been saving up for a couple months I still didn’t have enough set aside to do it justice.

I was sorely disappointed. I knew I was making the right choice, but I still went home and cried. The days into a new year and back in tears: that didn’t take long. So much for the new me. So much for the bold change. Guess I’ll just be the same old me for a while. Not that the old me is bad: I just don’t fo fit myself anymore. It’s like being a koi fish in a goldfish bowl.

So I’m regrouping. I don’t really have a new plan yet, but one thing I’ve learned is that if something is meant to happen then nothing will be able to stop it, and if something is not meant to happen then no amount of effort is going to be able to force it. Clearly, this was not meant to happen right now. I’m not sure why not. I just gotta hope it’s for the best.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on January 4, 2019.

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