I mean, on the plus side, nothing hurts. My body is so confused right now that life feels like a warm bath. So that’s good. I’ve spent a lot of the week aggressively self-medicating with chocolate so I guess this is what cold-turkey feels like: it’s like enjoying a hottub all week then taking a plunge in a cold pool- it’s not actually fun but it makes you feel strangely great.

Yes, I’m talking about fasting again.

I’d say that it’s been on my mind all day, but that would only be slightly true. I’ve been struggling with a kind of extreme single-mindedness all day: as long as I’m fully focused on a task I’m fine, but the second I get distracted or start to daydream or get interrupted or think too far ahead I start making mistakes. I invert numbers. I mistype letters. I forget what page I’m on. I forget what word I’m on.

What was I saying?

You get the picture.

By four in the afternoon I was making so many mistakes that I needed to take a break. I needed sunlight. I needed coffee. (I still drink coffee on fasting days). I walked to the nearby Ralph’s with their Proudly-Serving-Starbucks cafe and got a coffee. It was chilly but the sun felt good. I just let myself not think for a little while and just enjoy noticing things: tht Girl Scouts selling cookies. The fact that the building had been shorn of its coat of ivy. The fact that someone had pruned the trees into cubes. It’s a strange world.

And now I’m moments from home and dinner awaits.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on February 8, 2019.

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