Water Ghost


I’m about ninety percent certain that our house is haunted. In the three years that we’ve lived in our house (as renters- not technically *our* anything), we’ve had to call the landlady to replace both toilets, the water heater (twice), the main drainpipe beneath the house, the faucet on the bathroom sink, and the knobs on the shower.

The sinks still leak. The toilet still runs. The high pressure valve on the front of the house has been dripping so steadily for the past few weeks that the first three amarylis plants are about thirty percent bigger than all the rest.

And it’s not just the plumbing: The lights flicker. Cans of soda develop pin-hole leaks while sitting undisturbed on the pantry shelf. The washing machine turns itself on and off. Both of our vehicles have experienced sudden and dramatic electrical failures requiring immediate repairs and new batteries. The carbon monoxide detector- which plugs into the wall went bad and chirps every few minutes to beg for a be battery. We periodically get phantom smells of pot smoke, cigarette smoke, and a “hot” smell like an iron has been left on when there is no obvious source of heat or smoke. Plants that thrived happily for months will suddenly wilt and wither almost overnight. Oh, and the cat has spent the last few evenings carrying on one sided conversations of great depth and sophistication with the broom closet.

I used to joke about having poltergeist, but I’m not sure it’s a joke anymore: the hot water heater just stopped working for the third time.

Is there some kind of ghost etiquette I should be observing here that I’m not? Should I be asking the spirit to leave or making an effort to make it feel welcome? Are these manifestations a message or just some kind of psychic discharge? Is it coming from the house or is it coming from us? I can’t help but feel like we’ve gotten crosswise of some kind of energy that is trying to make a point and is becoming increasingly annoyed that it can’t seem to get through to us.

Halp.

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~ by Gwydhar Gebien on May 17, 2019.

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