Penny Again

I’m starting to find pennies again.

For a stretch of about ten days I didn’t find a single penny. In the grand scheme of things this might not seem out of the ordinary, but considering that I had been finding an average of twenty-five to thirty cents a day in loose change for weeks before that, it was a notable absence. I’d come to think of finding pennies as a sign of reassurance from the Powers That Be to remind me that things were all coming together according to plan and that I just needed to have faith. I found it reassuring in the hazy days of my depression, when life seemed to be frozen in stasis and hope was hard to come by. The rain of lost coins seemed to dwindle just about the time that life and my mood both began to lighten, so I consoled myself with the thought that if I wasn’t finding pennies it was because I no longer needed the reminder to keep my spirits up.

All things considered, I was content just to be happy again: if that meant not finding a jiggling pocketful of change every time I stepped out the door, well, I was ok with that.

I’ve started finding change again (three pennies and a nickel so far today) but my mood is still pretty buoyant. If there are challenges ahead that I am going to need these little keep-the-faith reminders, then I feel a lot more confident that I’m capable of tackling them now than I was a free weeks ago. But I still appreciate the heads up.

So, who knows what fate has in store: life is unpredictable and the future is unknown. But I’ve realized that it takes just as much energy to be an optimist as to be a pessimist except that being an optimist lets you invest that energy into yourself while being a pessimist means bleeding all that energy out into Murphy’s Law and feeding all the things that could potentially go wrong.

I’m choosing to be happy right now. I’m choosing to stay focused on what is going right.

I’m choosing to celebrate myself.

It is making all the difference.

*Update: now up to forty-two cents*

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on June 7, 2019.

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