I’ve reached that point in the new job where I’ve finally settled into a routine, and the novelty is beginning to wear off. On the plus side, I feel more comfortable and at home, but in the minus side I’m beginning to plateau: now that I’m not running as fast as I can to catch up, it’s hard to feel like I’m making any progress at all. The feeling extends to more than just work: I’m at a point in my editing where I’m not noticing my page or word counts changing dramatically anymore. I’m sure they’re still changing, but it’s harder to measure it at a glance. At home the house is suspended halfway between “decorated for fall” and “a disaster area of clutter” thanks to the fact that all the decoration bins are still sitting out waiting to go back into the shed. And, last but not least, my literal running has gotten more difficult lately, now that I’m no longer walking three miles a day, five days a week. (On Friday I plan to try commuting by bus to see how it compares time and convenience-wise, so if that goes well I may get some more walking in soon.)

So, I’m fighting the urge to ruminate. Days like today, when I have too much time and not enough things to do to fill it are the most difficult. These are the days when I need to keep myself busy in an effort to avoid letting my thoughts get away from me. For the most part, my mood has been greatly improved of late: partly thanks to the life changes I’ve been making and partly, no doubt, to the medication, but the fears and insecurities are still there, and can bubble up to the surface at a moment’s notice if I’m not careful.

One day at a time.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on October 8, 2019.

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