Grinding


I woke up in the middle of the night to find the Curmudgeonly Lion’s finger in my mouth. Apparently, I’d woken him up by grinding my teeth in my sleep, which I did periodically without realizing it. I wasn’t really surprised: my mood has improved lately, and I don’t feel anxious per se, but I do find myself in a state of constant tension: clenching my jaw, chewing my lip, knotting my shoulders, pick-pick-picking at my cuticles and skin. Some days my chest is so right it is hard for me to take a full breath, and on the occasions when I succeed it sounds like I’m heaving an enormous, beleaguered sigh.

“Why the big sigh?” The Lion asks, worried.

“No reason, just breathing.” I reply.

I don’t remember what it was that had me tied up in knots during the night. I don’t recall any dreams disrupting my sleep. But I’m glad it’s Friday. This week felt really long: not in a bad way, just in a time-moving-slowly way. I’ve settled into work. I’ve settled into the new commute. I’ve settled into the changing season (as best as I can). I suppose that after all the changes in my life from the past few weeks just get feeling settled must be having an effect on my sense of time and progress. We’re fast approaching the time of year in which all my other goals and intentions fall by the wayside and everything becomes HOLIDAY PLANNING.

It’s coming.

We don’t have plans to travel this year which is a relief, but there’s still plenty of year-end tasks that always seem to get away from us even if we’re staying local. It’s just about time to make The List of things that need to be handled between now and the me new year.

Ugh.

No wonder I’m tense.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on October 18, 2019.

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