A Quorum of Andrews

“How many is a quorum? Four, right?”

“Depends on the size of the group. A majority, maybe? Why?”

“We were trying to decide if we had a quorum of Andrews.”

This was an Andrew speaking- one of three in the office. He and another Andrew had been carrying on a discussion and the conversation had raised the question whether they needed the third Andrew in order to make a decision.

“I think it’s just enough for a group to be able to vote.” Someone offered.

Andrew looked up the definition of quorum on Wikipedia: a tangle of jargon as clear as blue mud. It boiled down to: “whatever the group decides counts.”

A lively discussion of parliamentary procedure ensued. Who was the chair-Andrew? Was the unity of Andrews equal or did the chair-Andrew yield more power? What kind of government structure were they anyway? Andrew posited that they were an oligarchy: a select ruling elite. After all, one had to be born an Andrew. Maybe that meant Aristocracy? No one was quite sure.

There was some further debate about whether “Andys” and “Drews” were part of the Nation of Andrews. They decided they were just Andrew adjacent: Commonwealth nations, perhaps. Or a United Kingdom of Andrews. But the Andrews themselves, they decided, were equals: not an oligarchy, then, but the purest form of democracy.

I probably used more of my knowledge of Social Studies in this single conversation than in the entire rest of my adult life.

There was then some discussion about whether The Andrews wielded the most power or whether they were matched by the Chris’s. No Chris was available to comment, and a Chris had recently left the cohort for another project. Did Christophe count or only Christopher?

It was decided that the nation of Chris was in recession. This prompted Andrew to look up names by popularity. The Andrews won for names within the office, although they recognized they would be outmatched by the Nation of John: the equivalent of China (in terms of proportional mass judged by landmass, not population), they decided. Or Russia.

Gwydhar, it was decided, was Luxembourg. Or the Vatican: a nation for the benefit of one person.

We are all extraordinarily responsible and mature adults here.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on January 22, 2020.

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