Dollar Rosary


I found a rosary in the street: the cheapest plastic kind you can buy. I picked it up because it seemed like a sign, although I wasn’t sure if what. I’m not Catholic and I don’t know the prayers for each bead or the significance of the ritual, but I supposed that didn’t matter: if the Powers That Be were unwilling to listen to an uninitiated voice then I felt certain they were not the Powers upon whom I wished to call.

It occurred to me that a rosary might be just as useful for retraining my thoughts as it was for prayer. I often spend my daily walks stewing about people who have wronged me. Or, at least, people that I have felt wronged by: which sounds the same but isn’t. I know I should be letting these thoughts go, but that’s not an easy task. If I think about them, it’s like feeding a fire: it just keeps burning and burning and just gets hotter and harder to put out. And if I try not to think about them, it’s like leaving a fire unattended: it just keeps burning and finds new places to spread.

I thought that perhaps with the help of the rosary’s counting beads I might be able to change a small thought through repetition. I forgive them for hurting me, and release my anger. I forgive them for hurting me and release my anger…

I focused on the names of the people occupying my mind and tried to erode the thoughts around them.

I forgive them for hurting me transformed into I forgive them for the pain I felt because of them transformed into may I be forgiven for cursing their names transformed into I wish them well.

I’m not yet sure if I’ve made a dent in the bad faith I’ve built up over the past couple years, but it felt like a start. Maybe with practice I’ll get the knack of it.

~ by Gwydhar Gebien on February 7, 2020.

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