Photo by Antonio Mora:

Somehow, I seem to be having one of those days in which my motivation is just about at Zero and yet I seem to be getting things done right and left. I got up early and went for a run, dragging my unwilling body first out of bed and then out the door fighting against what seemed to be the maximum possible inertia. Did somebody turn up the gravity on the planet? It sure felt that way.

I did pushups- a hundred of them in ten pushup intervals with plenty of whining and feeling sorry for myself in between. I finished the book I was reading: “The House of the Spirits” by Isabel Allende- a well-written book, but one that I’d been slogging through for weeks and was anxious to be done with. I made Mother’s Day cards. I wrote a birthday card for my brother. I settled in for a morning of work. I went to the grocery store and post office over lunch… I mean, all in all it has been an extraordinarily productive day; and yet for all my apparent progress I’ve had no energy and no inspiration.

I guess all this is to be expected in These Times as the quarantine drags on and the weather turns warm (it is in the nineties here again today) and the pressure builds at work due to the approach of various deadlines. Still, I’m hopeful that it is a temporary state- as much as I love all the progress I’m making, I’m keen to get back to having a sense of purpose again.


~ by Gwydhar Gebien on May 5, 2020.

One Response to “Notivated”

  1. How do you maintain such rigorous exercise and whine through it? I would shut down before I finished.
    As it stands, I have apparently been too lazy in recent weeks. My calves are swollen and feel like they are about to explode or split like wood. I’ve been having pains in the bones/shins which reduce the joy of fast movement.
    If reading a book is a chore, it defeats the point of reading it. You might as well use it for TP. [ha] If you aren’t enjoying the read, it’s more like pregnancy breathing class than a relaxing retreat.
    How do you do anything creative, like making cards, without any inspiration? I cannot. I’ve been so drained from allergies and crazy days/nights with the nephews to give any extra ‘oomph’ to personal creative projects. I also suspect my depression/anxieties are not helping me get creative/draw much. I just lack the stimulus…which is why I needed the TP project to give me a direction. I’ve spent more time and energy dabbling in image editing than actual creating.

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